I'm Nobody, who are you? Are you - Nobody - too? Then there's a pair of us...
Banging 02-21-07 18:44
I was riding home with Amie when a song came on the radio: "Wasn't Me," by Shaggy. I was immediately transported to the 4th grade.

I remembered debating with my best friend what "banging" was; I remember it something like this:

"Banging on the bathroom floor? Why would they be knocking on the floor? It must be door."
"No, they said floor."
"Banging is knocking, and they can't be banging on the floor. That doesn't make any sense."
"Why would they be knocking on the bathroom door butt naked?"
"Maybe they're in the bathroom doing IT."
"On the door?"
"Maybe it's on the floor... or they're standing up doing it on the door, and it's making a rocking sound."
"You have to lay down to do it. They can't be standing up doing it. They'd fall over."
"That's true. Maybe they were trying to do it standing up, and they fell on the door, and it made a knocking sound. They'd be butt naked then and banging on the door."
"It was floor."
"Why would they be knocking on the floor? It has to be door."
"Maybe they tried to do it standing up, and fell on the floor, and it sounded like banging."
"Oh."

OMG. That's so vivid. How innocent I was.

For a moment I was nostalgic, and wanted to have that innocence back.

But then--I would never want to be in the 4th grade again. I wouldn't want to go back even a day in time. What hell, to have nothing to look forward to except for what has already happened.

In any case, I know much better know that I can bang any which way I want to.
For the past while 02-19-07 18:13
...I've felt terrible.

Really freaking awful.

But very recently, I've felt awesome. Best ever dancing on the rooftops good.

Yesterday was bad, but last night helped. Today was beautiful, and the day before yesterday was amazing in ways I cannot describe.

Pan's Labyrinth is a movie that needs to be seen by everyone who has ever known me, and by those of you that don't. Not my new god to be worshiped, but certainly a tale I shall have alongside all the others I dearly cherish.

Oh, and in all probability I will be in Portland late March. Not for certain yet, but definitely on the list of things to be finalized.

...

I've reached the age where all my friends are getting married. It's very strange.
$20 01-14-07 21:31
I got 20 bucks tutoring the lead actress in our theater group today.

Woot.

In other news, I am seriously considering quitting Elowel.

Fuck it 01-08-07 20:18
Fuck tonight.

Fuck you.

Fuck me.

Fuck fucking stupidity.

Fuck goddamn fucked life and it's sick twists of fate.

Fuck everyone who has ever fucked up and was too small to say it.

I fucked up, and so did the lot of you.

But really, fuck tonight and all it's fucking surprises.

And fuck the English language for not having enough offensive fucking language so that I may express my deflating wrath.

And if you're going to fuck her, fuck her gently. Not that it'll do any good anyway.

Fuck everything I can think of that is under my skin.

Fuck you, fucker.
Times 01-05-07 01:25
There are times when you realize,

"Wow, that was really dumb. I'm glad I'm not doing that anymore."

Just had one of those.

I think I finally just saw what I needed to see.

In other news, theater was awesome today. Glynis loves me. And it really doesn't get any better than that.

I'm doing spotting, not tech work, for the next show.

Yay.

S&G 01-03-07 22:32
"We walked on frosted fields, of juniper and lamplight/

I held your hand...

And when I awoke, and found you warm and near...

Oh, I/ love you."

How pretty.

How I miss you when away, dear.
What a lovely day 01-03-07 22:24
For the second day in a row!

I am at once being sarcastic and serious.

Depends on the context.

Today and yesterday, and lately in general, have been very... pleasurable.

And yet at the same time, going through withdrawals b/c you don't have your meds, which is quite painful, and having a head cold at the same time is FUCKED up.

But the moments when I was able to keep it down with enough painkiller and eat enough so that I temporarily felt quite well... Oooh, heaven.

My body is more awake than it ever has been before; and yet, in much more discomfort as of late b/c of my fucking meds.

What a lovely moment I had today, though. How stimulating.
It made me really depressed.

There are times when I think I really would like to forget. But then, if I did, I wouldn't know myself, and that, I know, is a sad thing indeed. It is wrong to forget when it sacrifices knowledge, especially of self.

I have my own system of beliefs. They aren't unique; I've met many who agree with me. And within myself there are certain things so wrong as to be sins.

Rather like a nun, I would never sin, because of the love and integrity I have for what I believe in. I could not live with myself were I to sin. But there is a reason why sin is often regarded as temptation--and I wonder what it would be like to step over, for a moment, and experience it.

There are times when I know, that just for the instant, I would be euphoric in ignorance.

Now is one of them.

It hurts to remember, but it is apart of who I am. What I do, what I did, is apart of who I am.

...

I wish someone were here, to comfort me. They wouldn't even have to touch me. I don't require an embrace. But a kind word would be appreciated.

But I am alone.

...

It is the first of the year, and will soon pass.

I am glad 2006 is over. I never, ever want to go back.

...

*sigh* I should sleep.
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